Return to Camelot
Ray touched "ACTIVATE" on his tablet, but the suit sparked a tiny spark and refused to grow to full size. Ray let out a frustrated growl and shut the tablet down.
"Still?" Nate asked. Ray nodded, too frustrated to even speak. Nate got up from his chair only a couple of feet away, and started rubbing Ray's shoulders in a gentle, soothing motion. "You'll figure it out."
Ray sighed. "Yeah, but when? And even when I do, I'll still be so scared to be away from you for one second that I'll be useless!"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Nate pulled Ray's chair back and turned it so Ray was facing him. He crouched down looked up into Ray's red, frustrated face. "Listen, buddy. I like you a lot, but I don't let people talk about my boyfriend like that, so..." Ray laughed a little and Nate smiled. "That's better."
"I'm sorry, Nate, I'm just..."
Nate nodded. "Ready to get back to normal?"
"Yeah. It's so..." He shrugged, trying to figure out how to say what he felt. "I... I was a king, Nate. The High King. I had authority over other kings! But even then, I couldn't stop the war, and there were so many days I felt so helpless! You know, you read the book."
"I know," Nate said.
"Now I'm home, and I... I couldn't be happier now that you're with me. But I feel..." Ray lowered his eyes and looked away from Nate. "I feel like a burden." Nate gasped, but didn't interrupt. "I'm scared to be alone, I'm scared my... my clinginess will annoy you. And as for the team, I..." He sighed. "I feel like I'm in the same place I was years ago. Trying to prove I'm worth something to the team without the suit, but desperate for it to work at the same time. Trying to convince myself that Sara having me sit this one out isn't because she'll never see me as a useful part of the team again."
Nate sighed and stood up, pulling Ray close to him. Ray wrapped his arms around Nate's waist. "That's anxiety talking, and I think you know that, babe." Ray sighed. "You could never be a burden to me. Not ever. I love you, Ray. If we spend the rest of our lives no more than six inches apart, I'd be perfectly fine with that. Not that I want to see you afraid or upset, but I do NOT want you to think having you close all the time could ever be a burden for me."
Ray squeezed Nate tight. "I love you so much, I... I just..."
"I know. And as for Sara, she asked you to sit this one out because she knows you're recovering and it's her job to make sure you don't die. Right?" Ray nodded, trying to convince himself to believe the logical statement. "Besides, Mick is out there representing the Time Bros, probably torching a T-Rex into submission as we speak."
Ray laughed again. "I'm sure he is."
Nate smiled down at him. "You will get the suit working again, but even if you decide you never want to use it again, you're still essential to this team. You should have seen us without you, Ray, it was pitiful." Ray chuckled, and Nate smiled down at him. His eyes started to shine, and he sighed. "It was... terrible without you," he said softly. "I... I feel stupid even talking about this, when it was so much worse for you. Maybe I shouldn't even say anything. I'm supposed to be helping you feel better, not dumping on you."
"No, please tell me. I do feel better, maybe I can return the favor."
"Well... I..." Nate sighed.
Ray took hold of his arm and pulled Nate's chair closer. "Sit. Talk to me, Nate."
Nate sat down, pulling his chair close to Ray so that their knees were touching, even though he didn't seem able to look Ray in the eye. "I... I was barely functioning when I lost you. And... that's the thing. Or one of the things. I guess." Nate sighed and looked sheepishly at Ray. Ray just smiled and waited patiently for Nate to find a way to express what was bothering him. "It's... Part of why I was so wrecked was because I lost you. I didn't catch you. I let you fall."
Ray frowned. He touched Nate's face, shaking his head. "No, Nate."
"I know. Intellectually, I know. But... it's more than that. There's... another reason I feel responsible. Like maybe... if... like it's my fault you got lost at all."
Ray sat up, thoroughly confused. "I don't understand. How could that possibly be your fault?"
"It's... I..." He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Okay. I have a confession to make."
"What is it?"
Nate looked at him for a few seconds, before looking up and blowing out another sigh. "I've known you for years, Ray. Since... since before I even met you."
Ray looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Nate's eyes glistened and he let out a shaky sigh. "Your letters - the... that book was sent to me almost a year before I met you."
Ray's eyes grew wide. "What?" he breathed.
Nate nodded. "I was still doing lecture tours - Myth vs. History. A colleague asked me to debunk a book researchers had found in a previously undiscovered tomb. Shouldn't have been too hard, when it was in modern English." He smiled, but Ray still looked stunned. "Modern English on genuine ancient paper. It's the reason I started looking for evidence of time travel, and got started on this whole adventure. I read it all through in one night. I was so drawn to... 'him,' and wrapped up in his life." Nate shook his head. "I... I even cried when I got to the end, and I realized that the author never got back to the man he loved after all he went through."
Ray could barely breathe. "But... you... you never mentioned it. You never told me about it, even after we went to Camelot! Unless I... am I forgetting?"
Nate shook his head, his eyes starting to shine. "I was too shy to show it to you when we first met. I was afraid you'd write it off as a fake right away, and the way I felt about him... you, I just..." He shook his head again. "Then after that, so much happened. But I sort of... let me... just wait here a minute, okay? I want to show you something."
Ray nodded, and Nate hurried out of the room. Ray tried to remember any conversations they'd had about Camelot, or any time that he might have missed Nate referring to the book somehow, but he couldn't remember a single time.
A very few minutes later, Nate ran back in, carrying a large, steel-colored box. It looked familiar, but it wasn't until he got back to Ray's work table, clutching the gray box tightly in his hands, that Ray remembered. "Oh... my... God. This is the design I made for you when you first came to the ship!" Nate nodded. "The... my book was the antique you wanted me to protect?"
Nate nodded again. Tears came to his eyes, and with a slightly shaky hand, he pressed the valve release to remove the airtight seal Ray had designed. He entered the passcode and the lock chest opened. With reverence, he pulled out rectangular bundle wrapped in white linen. He unwrapped it, revealing Ray's book. The lines of the embossed palm frond were no longer as sharp, and the deep brown leather cover had darkened with age.
Ray opened the book carefully, and saw his chosen crest, the paper aged beyond his ability to comprehend, when he had just handled the book a couple of weeks ago - before his final battle. His hands started to tremble, and he closed the book and wrapped it carefully before his tears could fall on it. "I... I've never seen most of the illuminations in there. Maybe later, I can..." He looked inquiringly at Nate.
"Of course! It's your book, Ray, of course you can look at it any time you want."
Ray smiled. "Thank you. But it's yours, Nate. It was always meant for you."
Nate's eyes shone with tears again, and he let out a shaky breath. "I wondered so many times if it could be you, but... even when we went to Camelot, the pieces didn't fit. You disappeared according to the history books, you weren't killed. You never became a king. And all the years we've been around each other, the only thing I've seen you write is spice labels in the galley and chemical equations, so I never even made the handwriting connection. I'm so sorry, Ray."
"You shouldn't feel bad about that," Ray said. "I could have written you a novel by hand, and you probably wouldn't have made the connection. Writing with quill and ink is no joke."
Nate laughed. "You wrote that in one of your early letters," he said. Ray smiled, and Nate sighed again, tears starting up. "I... I'm so sorry, Ray."
"Why, Nate? I still don't see how this could be your fault."
"I keep thinking, if I'd just mentioned it, or shown it to you, you would have recognized it, and you wouldn't have been stuck there!"
Ray sighed and set the book carefully back into its case. He stood up and cupped Nate's face with both hands. "No, my love," he said. Nate gasped, and his face flushed. Ray realized this was the first time he'd said the tender words out loud. "Nate, never blame yourself. Not ever. First of all, I had to try to hide who I was when I wrote those letters. I was afraid if you happened to find it too early and I said too much, it could change who you were somehow, and I was so afraid of that happening."
"I remember," Nate said. "But... after we met, if I'd just..."
Ray shook his head. "No, my love. Please, don't do that to yourself. This had to happen, and you just told me as much." Nate shook his head, confused. "You said the reason you started looking for evidence of time travel was because you read my letters."
Nate smiled. "You're right! If I had figured it out sooner, and somehow kept you from getting lost, I would never have found the Waverider."
"Exactly. And I would have been stuck in the Paleolithic era for the rest of my life. It was awful being away from you all that time, Nate. But..." He smiled and ran a hand through Nate's hair. "If I had to choose between being stuck in Camelot missing you, and being stuck in Gertrude's era without ever knowing you, I'd choose Camelot every time. I'd have spent ten years in Camelot, as long as it meant coming home to you in the end."
Nate lowered his eyes, blushing a dark red. Ray pulled him close and kissed him tenderly - deep and slow, and just the most perfect experience he'd ever had. Then, Ray looked into his eyes. "I love you, Nate. You found me at just the right time. I want you to believe that."
Nate smiled. "I do, Ray. And I love you, too. I want to spend the rest of my life... wherever you are." Ray smiled back, huge and bright. He felt like he could have burst with joy. Nate gave him another kiss, and nodded toward the door. "Come on. Take a break with me."
Ray took Nate's hand and followed him out of the lab. He had no idea where they were going, but he didn't really care. He would gladly follow Nate anywhere. Ray felt a sense of joy welling up in him. He was home. He was with the man he loved. And except for the existence of a few out of place dinosaurs, all was right with the world.