Equilibrium
Lt. Cmdr. Spock
Personal Log: 0104
Stardate 2325.5
I have spoken with Jim regarding my situation. I was not comfortable with the idea of discussing Dr. McCoy with Jim, because of the awkward problem of discussing Dr. McCoy's personal affairs without his knowledge. However, when I entered the Captain's quarters, he seemed to have been expecting me. He expressed equal concern regarding Dr. McCoy's behavior, as well as his recent apparent decline in overall health.
I explained to the Captain my previously logged concerns regarding Dr. McCoy's behavioral changes. (I will note here that Jim seemed to believe "adorable" was an appropriate description of my precision with regard to Dr. McCoy's personal messages, appearances on the Bridge, etc. I will consult with my database of human terminology to determine how this adjective is being applied, and update with my findings.) I explained to the Captain that, for two days, I have attempted to engage Dr. McCoy in conversation without success. He asked if Dr. McCoy had given any reason for his altered behavior, and I answered that he had not. I mentioned that the changes began directly after his return from the Mirror Universe, and asked if he remembered anything noteworthy that might be of use to me in my research.
I will now relate the remainder of the conversation as I remember it.
"There is something," Jim told me. "We got caught on our way to escape, and I ended up knocking the other Spock and Sulu unconscious. Bones stayed behind to make sure you... he was all right. When we were almost ready to beam back when the other Spock showed up with Bones in tow. He looked a little dazed, but other than that he seemed fine. And he was okay when we got back, or so I thought."
"But, there was a time during which Dr. McCoy can be assumed to have been alone with the alternate version of myself?" I asked, for clarity.
"Yes, there must have been. Maybe a total of five or six minutes. Why?"
I was disturbed by this, but I hesitated to discuss my concerns with Jim. "I am not sure yet, Captain. Further investigation is necessary. However, I have been unable to speak with the doctor alone in his office, or in the halls of the ship, and I have been unsuccessful at gaining entry to his quarters."
"He won't let you in his room, either? What the hell's going on with him?" I have come to understand the human tendency to frequently ask questions for which they do not expect an answer. Therefore, I waited, and in a moment, Jim continued. "I'm going to talk to him. If I have to order him to tell me what happened, I will, but I need you both back, now."
"I understand your concern, Captain, and I apologize again for my error this morning. However, I do not believe that forcing Dr. McCoy to speak of-"
"Dammit, Spock, have you seen him? His eyes are red, he looks like he hasn't slept since he got back, and..." He shook his head, and gave me a familiar look - one of silent apology. "Of course you've noticed. And you've been doing this the logical way, trying to give him a chance to open up to you, and he's not doing it. Now I'm going to do it my way, Spock, because something's gotta give or he's going to kill himself!"
I have also come to recognize times when suggestions will be ignored, so I acquiesced. I returned to my quarters to await the results of the conversation. Dr. McCoy was in surgery at the time of our conversation, but Jim should be able to speak with him shortly. Although I would like to believe that my emotional control was stronger at this moment, I am forced to admit that I am highly anxious about the outcome of Jim's approach. Dr. McCoy's use of migraine medications (reported to me by Dr. M'Benga), and his persistent avoidance of me lead me to suspect... I would rather not voice my suspicions at this time. However, I can say that my internal equilibrium has become more disturbed based upon my conversation with the captain, and I anxiously await word from him.